Always a NEW DAY FRESH START!!!!!!!
Jun 4, 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvBmkNWFI18

[Music]
good morning yes this morning is Monday
fresh week fresh start and a fresh month
that is what is so nice about switching
over your days you know you have a new
start new fresh day to revamp what
you're what you're wanting to do think
about things change things that's always
the good thing about the freshness I am
off to counseling it is 9:30 it's early
early early but nonetheless I love my
counseling time it's
it's the time I actually look so forward
to so I never complain never never
anyways I hope everybody is having a
great search here goods as Monday and
that everybody is having a great start
to here June we only have a couple more
days before Jeremiah is out of school it
was so nice yesterday I took the kids to
the park we were there for two and a
half hours you guys two and a half hours
they had a blast I came home so
exhausted because I chased my kids are
hoping it and played and had fun and
little poor Omar though decided to eat
dust at one point I couldn't get him
fast enough but he was so cool cuz he
got up and he just brushed it off and
just kept going like he was like I don't
have time to cry haha I don't have time
Jeremiah brought his race car so we
played with a race car and that was a
lot of fun and it was just that was so
nice to just get out and enjoy the Sun
and enjoy the fresh air it was great I
absolutely had a blast so I'm excited
because now that Ramadan is coming to an
end there's I mean I'm not excited for
Ramadan to come to an end but I'm
excited that it's gonna be so much even
nicer that was not fasting it's gonna
open up you know the doors to being able
to do more because you know when you're
fasting you get thirsty you you know
you're wanting to drink and you can at
that time you can't drink so it's like
but with anyways having that change of
not fasting like I had spoke about
earlier in one of my videos there's so
many things gonna be changing changing
excuse me and I just can't wait I sat
down last night and I made my shopping
list because once Ramadan's over then
and like I said it's like the seventh or
eighth is when it's completed then I'm
gonna start back on you know my track of
calculating my calories writing
everything down making sure that I'm
staying on track because with Ramadan
it's really hard because when you only
get that one mil you're having to eat
for them not not okay let me rephrase
that it's not that you have to eat every
calorie that you allow yourself in one
meal because God I could never do that
but you know you have to eat to eat and
so for me you know I still am very
cautious about you know not eating past
my fullness and you know respecting that
part of my body and stuff but I
definitely have eaten more the more
foods that I don't want to eat but I've
eaten them because one it's the only
meal that we're having and two it's just
something that I am wanting to you know
have with my family but come once
Ramadan is over definitely I will be
changing things back up again so I'm
really excited to get that going so
that's what I was saying is that once
Ramadan is over I have my shopping list
I made yesterday
get back on track and then also with
physical exercise I've got a couple of
challenges for myself and I'm really
excited because I I'm gonna do it I'm
gonna conquer this and so I am truly
excited to get this started
so anyways but I just wanted to check in
with you guys and saying official good
morning and also you know I wanted to
put it out there that you know the video
that I made yesterday I want to say that
in no way was I trying to hurt
somebody's feelings in no way was I
trying to judge somebody as in I don't
have the same struggles because I do you
know I have a binge eating disorder
myself but I guess the point in why I
made this video was because I just feel
like sometimes that eating disorder is
used too lightly the word is used too
lightly and that to me is hurtful that
to me is not fair because it is such
it's such a real disease that people
struggle with and I again
I am NOT saying I am not saying that
that people don't struggle with it okay
that that's the biggest thing is I'm not
saying that the person or people don't
struggle with it but what I am saying is
that when you use that term binge eating
disorder make sure that you honestly in
your heart use that word as responsible
as possible because it's not a word that
you just want to throw around that was
my whole point in making my video and it
weighed heavy on my heart and if I feel
like it's something that's weighing
heavy on my heart I want to share that
because I'm not doing it
in spite of somebody I'm not doing it to
get views I'm you know if I wanted to
get views I would put a name in my title
you know and that's not what I'm doing
because I'm not trying to cast shade or
cast shame towards any one given person
but what I am trying to do is shine
light on using a disorder for
your own like for your for what you need
to get out of it okay so for instance I
would never use that word okay I would
never use that word and then turn around
and film myself gorging editing the
video uploading the video getting paid
for the video that's my point but never
once did I say that I don't think that
there are people that do struggle with
this disorder I never I never once said
that I don't believe this person has
issues I never once said that I don't
believe this person is struggling I
never said that and I never once said
that this person does not have an eating
disorder what I did say is that someone
is using this word to
openly and too easily that's what I'm
saying I don't think that this person
does not not struggle I believe this
person struggles but I just believe that
this person or these people whomever I'm
gonna you know say that I'm talking
about that I believe that it's the word
is being flopped around too much and
just to be careful you know because
there are people truly out there that
are struggling with this and can't get a
handle on it
thank God like I had said in my video
yesterday thank God that I have been
going to therapy for two years but it's
taken a year and a half of really
working so hard to get the tools to be
able to recognize when I have a binge
coming on and what to do does that mean
that I haven't benched since then of
course I have of course I have I'm not
perfect I think that if I was to come on
and be like oh I go to counseling I go
to therapy I go to a nutritionist and I
have no problems no more that would make
complete lie of myself and I will always
struggle with this disorder I will
always struggle with this disorder now
the reason that I have the disorder that
I have is because when I was a child I
did not have food I was pretty much
starved on a daily besides when I was
lucky if we would find change somewhere
in my home and we might be able to go
get a burrito from down by the gas
station by my house that was a norm in
my house because I had a mom that was an
addict and the money obviously went to
her there's a scroll of public the thing
looking at me her money went to her
addiction you know and I'm not saying
anything bad about my mom because it is
what it is but those things and then I
was living in a home at one point that
used food
punishment so you know if I wasn't
behaving the day that you know she this
person thought that I needed to behave
then I was food was taken away from me
so I became a binge eater because I was
afraid that I didn't know if food would
be available and even as an adult and
having the money that you know I have
money I could go buy you know food I
could go to the grocery store and buy
food I could you know it's not about
that it's psychologically in my brain I
have been taught that I have to stuff
myself to pass my full point because I
don't know if I'm gonna have another
mill I don't know when I'm gonna be able
to you know be able to have that burrito
or whatever it is that you know is going
on at that very moment but it's a sad
time for me because when I'm stuffing
myself I'm trying to escape from either
pain anxiety stress fear those are the
reasons I binge because my childhood
trauma has come into my adulthood and
that's why I have the issues I have
although like I have said I have gained
tools to start working myself through
that and recognizing hey I'm starting to
feel like this I feel like this there's
a binge coming on what can I do
outside of that what can I do what can a
me do that I don't have to turn to my
food and gorge but I would never I would
never do that and record myself but
that's just me that is me I'm not
casting judgment on others and saying
that that's wrong if you don't see it
wrong what I am saying is wrong is using
that word so freely and then just kind
of laughing it up at the same time
anyways I am done ranting about this
whole topic I think I've made myself as
clear as clear can I can be against my
video from yesterday
explaining a little bit more today but
you guys I appreciate all the support
that I have gotten through that video I
think my video and my message really did
come across the way I wanted it to come
across although it did strike nerve on
some and I'm sorry that it did you know
and I'm sorry that there have been a few
people that got their feelings hurt I
didn't mean it in a bad way that's not
it if you go back and watch my video I
did not say anything to try and hurt
anybody I was just sharing my opinion on
how I feel about that word being used so
openly and freely and not taking a
responsibility as a card holder that
uses that word if that makes any sense
but anyways I just want to say thank you
to all of you guys for sharing your
opinions and you know some of you guys
sharing some deep deep things that you
guys deal with on you know yourself with
this issue you know I appreciate you
sharing that and you know I also
appreciate some that have shared their
their struggles and you know maybe they
didn't agree with my video and I can
respect that I 100% respect everybody in
their opinion I never once will say you
are not right to have an opinion on my
channel everybody is allowed to have an
opinion everybody is allowed to speak
their opinion we may not all see eye to
eye and that is okay that is part of
having an opinion and be able to talk
upon each other and share those things
and not not attack because that's not
what we should do if we have an opinion
we're just sharing those opinions and
talking about them and you know
dissecting each of our opinions and
seeing where we all come out because you
know what some people have shared their
opinion that they didn't agree with me
and honestly I agreed with them so it's
just a toss of the ball you know and so
I just you know I again I just want to
say thank you I also want to say welcome
to a lot of new subscribers that have
joined my channel I definitely didn't
make that video to gain subscribers or
to gain views again if I wanted to do
that I would have made a video titled
with some uncertain name in there to
blow it up and make it bigger than it is
that wasn't not my intention so you just
wanna say thank you and welcome to my
channel and this is me this is the raw
Amy sometimes you get the good sometimes
you get the bad and sometimes you get
all in the middle with eyebrows being
taken off but anyways I'm gonna go I
have got to get ready for my counseling
appointment I'm sitting here in front my
office right now
so I am going to close for right now but
I will check in with you guys after
counseling and share with you guys what
maybe we talked about and maybe some
things that I've learned while I was in
counseling so take care and I'll check
in with you guys in a little bit
okie dokie I just got out that hour goes
by so fast cuz there's so much to talk
about but I love I love my therapist she
is she's God sent to me I'm honestly she
helps me see things she helps me ground
myself and times that I need it the most
and I just uh I always leave counseling
feeling so refreshed and so back on
track like you know mentally and
emotionally and everything in between
but it constantly went really good he
come you know things I could never see
but anyways
it was a good session you know we talked
about my video from yesterday and you
know and I I told her I said you know
she said when you're really angry about
the situation I said I am I'm angry
because I don't want people to think
that a binge eater is not something that
is serious that binge eating is not
something that's real it's a real it's
something that you to struggle with and
it shouldn't be made something light and
you know she validated my feelings and
she said no I feel absolutely 100%
backing you up you know when I told her
I said but I want to be very
compassionate to the ones that do
struggle with it and you know maybe they
haven't gotten the help so they don't
have the tools like you know I do or
others that have had gotten help you
know but at the same time I just wanted
to make sure that my message got put out
there so that others knew that you know
how I'm feeling maybe is how others feel
if that makes any sense
but anyways other than that it was a
really good session I just like I said
every time I leave I leave with more
tools to you know subsea life and enjoy
things and learn new tools new ways of
looking at certain things and it's just
it's all around an awesome thing so
anyways I am on my way home and we have
to go to Costco today because I have to
go pick up my meds
I didn't realize I only had one pill
left which thank God was here last night
because Costco's pharmacy they're not
open on Sundays so I was a little stuck
I was like oh no I don't have any
medicine so I'm gonna go and do that and
I have more cups I have more cups that I
have to work on today so that's gonna
keep me quite busy and I want to say I
think that's it I don't think we really
have much going on today might be the
last day of fasting not sure it will
either be today or tomorrow well hold on
yeah today might be either the last day
of fasting and tomorrow might start the
I eat which is the last are like done so
after Ramadan fasting you have three
days of not fasting and it's basically
like
kind of like a celebration type thing I
guess you would say I'm not really I
don't know how to describe it a hundred
percent but so advanced are either
tomorrow or Wednesday so I'm not kind of
percent sure yet if if that fasting will
be today being the last day or tomorrow
but anyways I will check in with you
guys later
